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Hilarious yet serious: ‘Hard Math’ for Dokpesi

The Federal High Court (FHC) sitting in Abuja has ordered the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission ( EFCC) to produce the  Chairman of DAAR Communications Plc,  Chief Raymond Dokpesi in court on December 14, 2015, to show cause why he should not be granted conditional or unconditional bail by the court.

Dokpesi has been in EFCC custody in the last one week over an alleged money laundering involving N2.1 billion, which is said to be part of the $2.1 billion funds of the Office of National Security Adviser (ONSA).

The trial judge, Justice Kolawole, while ruling in an ex parte motion argued by Chief Mike Ozekhome (SAN) on Friday, ordered that EFCC should be put on notice and appear on December 14, with the detained former boss of DAAR Communications.

HAMILTONSTYLE received a hilarious but serious mathematical prose that follows the news story above. Please read below…

DOKPESI’S “HARD MATHEMATICS”
1. If Raymond Dokpesi collected N2.1b for media and publicity:
(A) How much did AIT/Raypower collect for job done?
(B) Prove that Dokpesi is a limited liability company
(C) Show in percentile terms the value of payment to Dokpesi in relation to payments to other vendors that provided ‘media and publicity’ services
(D) Determine the quantum of payments to ‘X’, where X could either be unknown or refer to ‘other vendors’
2. If media and publicity is this rewarding:
(A) justify the inability to pay staff salaries over several months citing other ‘good’ reasons apart from wickedness and crass greed
(B) Demonstrate that N2.1b was paid into Daar Comm’s account and appropriately taxed…VAT-ed, for example
3. Define and illustrate with scalable graphs to show the correlation between ‘effort’ and ‘profitability’:
(A) ‘Media and publicity’
(B) ‘Communi-qua’
(C) ‘Ransom’
Notes:
1. Names in this exam are results of the fertile imagination of the uncertified lecturer. Reference to any person, living or dead, is purely coincidental and mischievous
2. Answer any three questions. Questions 1, 2 and 3 are compulsory. All questions carry equal marks. Bonus marks will be awarded for ‘workings’ that can extricate principal character from *deep s..t* sans ‘doctrine of necessity’.
3. Special bonus for helping Olisa Metuh to defend Dokpesi without gloating secretly
Best of luck.
Start now…

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